"We Are Who We Are" - Kirsty's Story

"I've done a lot of things. Bar work, cheesemaking, even worked for the IRD. Telemarketing, retail, Kiwibank, NZ Post – you name it. I always wanted to work in mental health, but the headspace just wasn't there.

But now, it's a whole new purpose. I was planning to major in addictions, you know, because clinical depression has been a part of my life since I was 20, and addiction often follows. I thought I could help people like me, you know, people who struggle with mental health because of the way the world treats them.

But then I started studying, and I realised I'd rather be a peer support worker for the trans and rainbow community. I'm studying social services now. It still lets me work with mental health and addiction, but it's more focused on helping people like me. There are just so few people who can truly understand, and even in mental health and addiction, I wouldn't reach as many people as I'd like.

Honestly, I'm still pretty impressed I even passed the first year. I hadn't been in school since the 80s!

What are my hobbies? My dog, ‘Girl-girl’. She's a whippet/staffy/pointer cross, spoiled rotten. I wouldn't say I'm totally extroverted, but I'm happier to be out there now. I get up and do me. If I can open a few eyes, maybe it'll inspire others. It's about making knowledge more public, instead of hiding. Growing up in the 80s, I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't. It's definitely better now, but there's still a long way to go. I hope future generations don't have to go through all the crap I did. We've been around since day one, and we're going to continue to be here.

I've been living as myself 24/7 for four and a half years. I legally changed my name two years ago and started hormones about 16 months ago. I just want to be me. If walking down the street or going grocery shopping makes other trans people feel safe, then that's a good thing. You get used to it. The first time is scary, but now it's much more comfortable. I even get treated better by the staff.

My son once said to me, "I've heard more positive things come out of your mouth in two days than I have in 25 years." I thought I'd never know true happiness. You just have to take that drastic step. I used to hide away, never go out in public. Now it's the complete opposite. For 50 years, I was so busy pretending, acting a certain way because of what people thought. At work, you have to be "this" person for the customers, then go home and pretend you want to be in this domestic situation when it's not what you want at all. It just drains you. Once you realise, "Screw it, I'm doing me," everything changes.

What's my favourite thing about Palmy? Comfort. It's just a cool place. It feels like home. It's more liberal than some places, maybe not as liberal as others, but it's friendly. It's home. I came here from England, 16,000 miles away, and the place accepted me. I wasn't treated like a foreigner. I was accepted here, no one treated me any differently when I was me. It just felt right.I was standing in line at the supermarket one day, waiting to pay, when I saw this woman behind me with three little kids. The youngest one, this little boy, tried to hand the checkout chick a bag of Kinder Eggs. His Mum said, “Just wait a moment, because the checkout lady is scanning that lady's groceries”. So I paid for the Kinder Eggs for the little one. I felt seen and the validation just made everything feel OK, It was one of those special moments that will stay with me for a long time.

I hope that by sharing my story, people realise we're just ‘normal’ people. We want to live our lives hassle-free. There's no hidden agenda. The only agenda is to be free to be ourselves. It's not a choice. Why would you choose to make life so difficult and have to deal with the hateful opinions of others? If you're like me, you're going to be like me regardless. If you're not, you're not. We are who we are."